A draft of Steve Jobs’ presentation for the Notebook Event titled “The spotlight turns to notebooks” scheduled to take place on October 14th 2008 in Cupertino, has been leaked.
Since rumour has it that Apple is softening up to rumour sites: if you don’t like me publishing this rumour: SOSUME.
“Gi’ mig Danmark tilbage” by Natasja is blasting the Cupertino speakers!
Steve Jobs takes the stage
(applause)
Welcome, and thank you for coming.
One first thing:
Apple has realized that we can’t compete with Linux and has decided to make an investment in Linux. So we’re discontinuing Mac OS X in favour of Linux with KDE, all Mac OS X developers will instead be working on contributing to Linux, ending years of, mostly, passive and luke warm support for the open source movement. Apple wants to appologise for this mal-pratice, and all code will be shared back with the community.
The next version of Mac OS X will be renamed Linux Snow Leopard, and it will be licensed under the GPL – meaning that it can be freely copied, and installed, on any computer.
(oooooh)
Linux Snow Leopard is available as a free download from Apple AppStore, and it is available…NOW!
(applause and cheers)
The reason for this change is that captalism, as we knew it is dead, instead of competing to death and the focus on economic growth, that is destroying the planet, human kind will instead work to improve the quality of life for all.
Democratisation of technology will be instrumental in bringing these changes.
Apple wants to be part of this.
(Steve moves the cover on the table, pulls out a picture frame with a picture of Richard Stallman on one side and Nicholas Negroponte on the other side, from this frame he pulls out a beautiful sub-notebook)
So today I’m happy to announce the insanely great TuxBook, developed in coorporation with Asus.
Asus is bringing the change, and since our old notebooks really weren’t anything but repackaged Asus products anyway, we’ve decided that Jonathan Ive will now be working full time making Asuses look cool.
The TuxBook comes with 2GB RAM, 32GB SSD, WiFi, Bluetooth, a 3G modem and A-GPS. It sports 8 hours of batterylife, and can, optionally, be solarpowered.
Demo:
(The splash screen is a Penguin holding an Apple)
Isn’t that beautiful? KDE 4.1: BOOM!
The TuxBook will be priced at $99, and it is available…NOW!
Thank you all for coming, and Karl Marx was right.
(applause)
One more thing:
Since you can’t make money on stock, APPL will be unlisted from the stock exchange, Apple will in the future be a Section 501(c)(3) not-for-profit charity.
One final thing:
How do you like them Apples?
(standing ovations and wild cheers: T-U-X what’s that spell? TUX!, what’s that spell? TUX!)